Recipe for Love excerpt

This story is one of my favorites! An excerpt from RECIPE FOR LOVE:

“So, are you going to tell me why you called me over here this morning? The morning of Valentine’s Day, when I should be out buying a card or something…else?”

Like teasing my Tom again, riding him like a woman possessed and reminding him of how wonderfully romantic he used to be, before he became so damn successful?

Her grandmother reached across the table and patted her hand.

“I have something to tell you, Gabriella. An old family secret and a recipe that’s been handed down through ten generations of this family,” Nonna said, a cryptic smile playing at the corners of her mouth. “It is time for you to know certain things, time for you to learn the ways of love among our women.”

Love? Sex ed from Nonna? Whoa—wait a minute! I’ve got to stop this before it begins!

“Listen, Nonna—I appreciate the thought, but I don’t really need any advice about love and…other things. Thanks anyway, but why don’t we just spend some time talking about Aunt Jean’s gallbladder or—”

“Basta! Enough!” Nonna held a gnarled hand in the air, as if she was a traffic cop. “You are twenty-five now. Old enough to know certain things, certain things that every woman in this family has learned from their nonnas. That, Gabriella, is what grandmothers are for, to pass on the wisdom of the ages. You will listen. You will learn. But you will not turn away from what is rightfully yours. By tonight you will have the tools.”

“Tools?”

“The tools to drive any man you desire out of his mind with longing for you. You will be able to entice any man you choose to do your bidding. You will have the tools to choose a man to become your sexual slave for life. I was not always an old woman. When I was your age I was like you are today—young, beautiful, with full, ripe breasts and round hips. I had urges, as you do. Most times I satisfied my own urges with these two fingers,” Nonna said. She held up her hand and wiggled the first two fingers lasciviously, chuckling at her granddaughter’s shocked expression. Shrugging, she continued.

“Now, I know that you have things to do the work of the fingers. Love wands. Vibrators. Dildos.”

“Nonna!” Gabi colored as the word “dildo” came from her sainted grandmother’s lips.
Has she lost her mind? Is she suffering from some kind of senile dementia? Maybe I should be phoning the doctor instead of sitting here listening to this. But she seems so normal.

“What? Do you think I do not know? Of course I know—I know all about sex. All about men, women, penises, vaginas, orgasms—I have had seven children, I know much more than you give me credit for knowing.”

Holy shit. She just said penises. Vaginas. Oh my God, what the hell is next?